When I entered the Year 2020, I should have known it was going to be a mad year. MAD DOG 20/20 was a big clue. I can honestly say that this has been one of the most challenging & testing years for me emotionally & mentally.

At the start of Lockdown I embraced the Time we had been given, to reassess my life.

I have realised my love is for writing. I have built a new customer base on new Social Media platforms, #parler  & #mewe. I have created new friendships. I have become stronger. I have learned to cope with my demons better. I have even stayed physically fit. I have set up a new Writing Project. I have joined the RMHC Fundraising Team. I have written an article for a “Weed Magazine.” I have mentored Cancer Buddies. I have passed on my knowledge to those just starting their journeys. I have written a piece for “IHadCancer” USA. I have joined forces with two good friends Lisa Dunnington & Dez, The Artist also known as LoveArtPix, to raise awareness around Child Trafficking #saveourchildren, plus continuing to run and grow my Online Net Marketing CBD & Hemp Business…

However…

When I take a lot on I often forget about Me. My health, My wellbeing.  My Husband. My marriage and the important things in life.

I run with it but,  I forget to breathe.

Sooner or later I crash.

I have no idea how I used to cope. I guess my emotions were blocked my Anti-Depressants.

I no longer rely on any Conventional Medication to help me through my tough times. Now I Meditate. I eat an Alkaline Diet. I exercise. I get outdoors as often as possible. I talk with friends & family often too.

BUT…

Even with all the positive factors influencing me on a daily basis, in a matter of seconds it can all change…

AND THEN JUST…

“Like A Big Black Cloud”

I am feeling unmotivated, lethargic, emotional, paranoid, anxious., scared, trapped, caged, and UNSURE IF MARRIAGE IS EVEN FOR ME!!!

These last few weeks it’s like I have been living in slow motion even though my head has been running at 100mph.

I used to think I needed a reason to cry. Now I understand its all part of my healing process. Nowadays I actually enjoy a good cry it has taught me TO LET GO! Sometimes this is so so tough but absolutely necessary in order to BE FREE!

I haven’t come close to understanding My Mental Health but, I have got some sort of angle on it. I am now able to recognise my behaviours better so I can pull my reins in before I get to HYPO.

I struggle not to feel guilty for making time for myself. It is an ongoing lesson that I cannot seem to learn. A constant punishment. So I am trying…

The Art of Being…

The Art of Being was suggested to me by Gaz Whelan, Musician and Co founder of The Happy Mondays.

I don’t think for one minute that I will  ever fully master this fine art, lots of fun trying though I guess.

Certain days when I wake up, the thought of one or two small chores can seem like climbing Mount Everest in reverse blind folded, in a bad blizzard.

On the good days I jump out of bed. I forget about Age. Time. Structure. Routine & Loss.

Instead I think of the memories I have. How lucky I have been. How I have been blessed with a beautiful caring daughter. How I have been blessed for having a husband that loves me and works hard every day sometimes seven days a week to provide for his family.

I am thankful for having a second chance. I am excited about what is yet to come.

When I live in the moment….

It feels so free. So energising. So beautiful

I will continue to appreciate the now.

Yesterday has gone. Tomorrow isn’t here.

For anyone suffering with Mental Health or if you know of anyone who suffers.

REACHING OUT SAVES LIVES

One Love x