I have known Julie since our school days back in the early eighties. We were never best friends but our paths crossed throughout the years and, we often mixed in similar circles in and around our home town. Although petite and beautiful, Julie is a very strong and inspiring woman.

I am so glad we have connected again, its obviously meant to be and I for one cannot wait to hear more of Julie’s stories. Give her a follow on instagram @the_sober_cider_drinker.

First of all, I’ll introduce myself. I’m nearly 52, married with 2 children, I love exercise and I don’t drink alcohol. Please don’t stop reading now, I’m not preaching and if you have a healthy relationship with alcohol, good for you, I wish I did!! I’m not an alcoholic (whatever one of those is, everyone’s perception is different), but I have chosen to cut alcohol from my life, I will never say never, as (hopefully) that’s a very long time, I just say for now, and that will do.

A few years ago, I went to the doctors suffering from horrendous panic attacks and depression. I remember sitting filling the chart in to “see how depressed you are” and wishing with every ounce of my being that the doctor would tell me to quit alcohol. He didn’t. So, I started the anti- depressants and carried on exactly the same as before. I didn’t last long on the anti-depressants as they weren’t for me, so I slowly came off them and managed the depression myself.

I drank pints of cider and loved every single one I had but my hangovers started to last for days. After a night out, or even a couple of pints (classy), I would wake at 3am, exactly, in the midst of a panic attack, my heart would be hammering, I would be sweating and edgy. I could not get back to sleep and this would last for a few days. My weekend drinking consisted of Friday and Saturday evening, then I would include the odd Sunday afternoon which soon became my absolute favourite, missing work on a Monday sometimes as I felt so ill. Then I included a Thursday night as my daughter was at her dads and sometimes even a Wednesday, these weren’t full on sessions but a few pints. But they made the depression and panic attacks worse. I was bloated, my skin was dull, and I was terribly sad, with nothing to be sad about, I had a happy marriage, healthy children and a decent job.

One Sunday afternoon I went out and met friends, it was a brilliant afternoon, but I woke on Monday morning and knew that I had to make some changes. I wasn’t always nice when drunk either, I could be argumentative, confrontational and an all -round pain in the arse. I didn’t remember the night past about 5pm, which is scary. I didn’t remember getting home, or what time I got home. I looked through my phone pics and didn’t remember taking most of them, cringe!!! I was full of self -loathing and dreaded reading texts I had sent. It was time for a change.

I signed up to an online quit booze group that sends daily emails and there is an online community that you can interact with, sharing goals and stories and give and receive support, this helped me quit on and off for about 2 years, but I would always go back to my old ways and the blackouts would start again, the missing work, the panics the whole thing was the same as before.

In June 2020, after hosting a BBQ for a couple of friends, and having a brilliant night, I woke up the next day, with the worst hangover I had ever had and decided enough was enough. So, I threw the booze away that was left, and re-started an old Instagram account the_sober_cider_drinker. That was 200 days ago. I’ve not had a drink since. I write a post every day, I never plan my posts, but something always seems to come to mind. I have had a few followers contact me and ask for my help and advice with quitting drinking, which I love to do, and I have supported them along the way.

So, what has actually changed with me? Have I noticed any differences within myself and my life since I quit? Hell yes!! Firstly, the anxiety, panic attacks and depression have gone, completely, and I know this is solely down to stopping drinking. I awake early now, naturally, with a sense of joy at what the day will bring rather than a sense of dread. I have thrown myself wholly into the sober life, I have read almost every quit lit book ever written, they are fab, I interact daily with my sober gang on Instagram, I listen to podcasts about not drinking (who even knew they existed? Yes, they really are a thing!!). Instead of being full of self -loathing I now feel peaceful. I used to think I was confident and outgoing, I know now that It was fake confidence, fueled by booze, and I am an introvert. I have found an inner confidence which has led me into study. I am training to be a diet and nutrition coach this would never have happened whilst drinking. I have taken up new hobbies like painting, I’ve even been asked to do some paintings for a couple of people. I have taken up paddle boarding, which is by far, my favourite new hobby, I booked myself and a friend a 3 hour lesson, I was terrified as I don’t like deep dark water and I said right from the start that I would just pootle around the edge of the lake whilst everyone else went to the middle. That didn’t happen, I loved it so much I couldn’t wait to get to the deep water, I’ve bought a paddle board and try to get out on it as often as possible. I have made some fabulous, new, booze free friends, which I really needed as not everyone “gets it”. I’ve lost a couple of friends along the way, which is sad, but I want friends to accept me as I am, if they don’t like me or my life choices, fine, off you pop!! I’ve also had a couple of nasty messages from people who clearly don’t understand why I don’t drink, that’s fine too.

I am happier than I have ever been. That’s not all due to quitting booze but it has a knock on effect with a lot of things. I asked my daughter if she thought I was different without booze and her instant reply, was “Yes mum, you’re less of a bitch” what a bloody great compliment that was from a 16 year old!!

I have had a couple of nights out sober (when COVID has allowed) and I’m happy to be the designated driver, there are more and more alcohol free choices out there when it comes to drinks and I’ve found a luscious af cider , which really hits the spot if a want for booze creeps in. People try and persuade you to “just have one”, which is really fecking annoying to be honest, but after they’ve had about three or four drinks, they forget you’re not drinking so leave you alone. I am usually ready for home a little earlier than I was in my boozing days, as when I drank, I always prided myself in being first there and last to leave, I now leave when I start hearing the same story for the third time. I also sober dance, I didn’t think I would or could, I probably can’t, but I do it anyway.

So, in answer, yes, I am happier without alcohol in my life.

If you’ve got to the end of this without hitting the booze or falling asleep, thank you very much for reading.

A big thank you to Toni for inviting me to write this. I contemplated saying no but think the more people who talk about life without booze the sooner it will start to be more acceptable. Let’s be honest you don’t tell a drug addict to just have one when they’ve quit.